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I saw a recent post on Mamamia about virginity and it really hit home how woefully unprepared most of us women are for the "big event". I thought back to when I lost my virginity, a story I have told before and the first few awkward encounters after that.
Like a lot of people, I have deep regrets about how I entered the world of sexuality. Most of which stem from my clear lack of education on the matter. Had I been more prepared, perhaps the situation would have been a bit better for me. Perhaps I would have been a bit more careful, a bit less nervous and a bit more vigilant. With that said, here are the things I'd say to my virgin self.
It's pre-cum, not bloody dick rot.
Yes, this was an actual concern for me. My mother had told me some story when giving me the birds and the bees talk about how men can get rot of the dick. How it can infect you with its oozy, festering grossness. To this day, I have not the slightest clue what exactly she was on about, but I'm sure it's either a total myth or a severe worst-case scenario that no-one ever talks about. However, when I saw pre-cum for the first time, it had me absolutely rattled. I was sure in that moment that I was going to die from some form of what I could only imagine was gangrene.
Sex finishes when he finishes.
Another thing I hadn't thought to consider. When he told me to "let him finish", I was in even more awe than I had been beforehand. It wasn't the best of situations to be begin with, but now I wasn't even sure how to finish sex. Was it something you just both agree on to stop? Do we both just get tired and roll over? The fact that I was unaware what ejaculation was just shows how immature I was about things.
It's messy. Another thing no-one had prepared me for. Doing the deed looked so easy in the movies. No-one was uncomfortable with the dampness between their legs and certainly no-one in those movies used spit down there! It's sweaty, there's fluids you don't have much experience with, there's a lot of uncomfortable feelings attached to getting used to it. You do get used to it, though.
It's not going to always be special. Sex isn't something that will always remain a special occasion, unless of course you only do it on Tuesdays and your birthday. It's something that will become a routine part of your life and relationships. It's something that everyone does and loses a lot of its' taboo over time.
Just because he wasn't special doesn't mean you aren't.
Losing your virginity to someone who wasn't special to you isn't the end of the world. It isn't something that should make you put on your tough-girl mask and pretend it doesn't effect you, either. You imagined something entirely different to what you had and that's disappointing, but it won't matter one day who your first was and it doesn't degrade your value that he wasn't perfect.
You own your body.
No-one is allowed to tell you what you what you can and can't do with your own privates. If you don't want something, you have every right to say so. You are allowed to speak up and you're worth more than just going along with it.